I often say that Heavenly Father knew I needed Cole and I am so grateful he is my oldest. I am able to do many things and enjoy my other gifts of motherhood with his help. As a family we are able to function with him in it. He is wise beyond his years and truly one of my best friends! I can't help but tear up when I think of Cole and all that he has become. He is a remarkable, responsible, smart, spiritual, funny, caring, kind, compassionate, tolerant, considerate, handsome, loving young man. I am not sure how or why I was chosen to be his mother but a day doesn't go by that I don't thank my Heavenly Father for trusting me to be his keeper. He is helping me become and I have enjoyed
Motherhood isn't easy and it's not meant to be. Like I tell all of my children, "Hard work is good! Anything that is valuable and of worth requires hard work." Are there some days when the oil in my lamp is low and my light is dim? YES! Are there times when I simply feel like I can't be the mother that I should be? ALWAYS! But each day I am given opportunities to increase my light and most of these opportunities come from my children. Each of my children hold a special and different place in my heart and they are all my favorites but there is something to be said about the bond I have with Cole being my first. Maybe it's because he unlocked the door to what this life is all about and taught me to love unconditionally. Or maybe it's because he fills my lamp when it's burned out and literally brightens my life with a smile or witty comment. All I know is that he is amazing and he is mine and if I could be guaranteed to have another like him I would get pregnant yesterday.
There really are no words to describe or songs to sing to tell Cole how much he means to me. No amount of tears can show him how much I love him and believe me, I have shed many, many tears this week alone in anticipation of him turning 13. I am grateful to be his mother. I am grateful that my first gift of motherhood was packaged and wrapped up so beautifully in Cole. His gift prepared me and my heart for the many other gifts I have been blessed with. I guess from the beginning becoming a mother was hard work after 36 hours of natural labor but he is most definitely valuable and of worth. And so is motherhood. It has it's challenges and requires daily labor but I have no choice other than to keep on truckin and do it because hard work is good!
I wanted to make a video of photos for Cole since the days of printing pics and photo albums are gone. I wanted to give him something that he can watch, cherish, and share with his posterity. It was very hard to wrap up the last 13 years in one video but after 300 pictures (many that needed to be scanned because they were pre digital), 6 of his favorite songs, 50 plus hours of work, and a 19:51 minute masterpiece, I did it. One thing that stood out over and over as I looked through hundreds of pics was his genuine zest for life. I was also reminded over and over the love that he has for