Twinkle, Twinkle.....

Sara has been home and in my arms for 6 months today! Her picture captured my heart over a year ago and today she has been home for half of a year! She continues to fill my heart and soul with so much wonder, warmth, happiness, love, and awe! My friend Alli who also has a child with Ds said that there would never be a dull moment with these kids. She calls them "stars" and that is exactly what Sara is, a star! And it is true, there is never a dull moment at our home. She amazes me every day with her disabilities! There is a reason why my six year old son often asks if she really does have Down syndrome because she does everything that a baby should do. Yes maybe she hasn't reached her milestones at the "typical" rate, but she can and will reach them in her own time. When we first met Sara in September, she couldn't even roll over. I had to help her get on her belly and even then she would cry. After days of being home, she was able to push up on her hands and soon she was rocking on her knees. After a couple of months Sara was able to sit leaning forward but was unable to hold herself up. But within weeks after that she became even stronger and was able to sit up tall.

When I first tried to feed her solid foods using a spoon, she had no idea what to do with the food and wasn't sure how to work her tongue. (Even though I was told that she was fed by a spoon.) You see in the orphanage they feed the babies a very thick consistency mush using a bottle with a very large hole cut out of the nipple. This makes for easy and fast feedings which helps them manage 12 babies during feeding time, but doesn't help the babies learn how to eat. Sara would guzzle that mush in seconds flat! Today she can feed herself finger foods and can eat practically anything from a spoon. She's just like her mama and loves her food! She can also drink from a sippee cup. She's able to hold her own bottles and cups and has figured out how to tip them back so she can drink from them sitting up. What a clever girl!

Within months, Sara was also able to do the army crawl and scoot across the floor, and today she cruises all over the place "speed" crawling. She's even able to get up and over one step! When she sees an open door, she bolts! She'd try going down the stairs if we'd let her. She is fearless but knows when to stop when she hears the word no! Liam had a harder time adjusting to Sara more than anyone which was totally understandable. He was no longer the baby and I think he questioned who is this and when is she leaving? After a while he figured out that this thing called my sister is not leaving but I can push her around. He still likes to give her the occasional whack on the head or sit on her but Sara is learning to hold her own. At first she would just take it but now she can push him away. In fact she threw a remote control at him tonight and gave him a slight bruise below his eye. It's hard to get mad because it was one of those "I told you so" moments. I keep telling him that soon she is going to be just as big if not bigger than him and he had better watch his back! (At two and a half he only weighs 21 lbs. and Sara is 19 lbs.) Saying all of this though, I do witness many tender moments between them both too. They're only 13 months apart so I am hoping they'll learn to be best buddies.

Over a month ago Sara was able to pull herself up in her crib and since then she hasn't stopped pulling herself up on anything she can reach. She is walking alongside furniture and will let go of one hand. Occasionally she has let go of both hands and will stand for a few seconds before falling. She loves to walk with you when you are holding her hands and just recently she pushed a toy walker across the room. I think with all this progress she'll be walking on her own in no time. One night before bed I told her to wave bye bye and she did and she often babbles mama and dada! When she wants me she will crawl over to me, sit at the bottom of my feet, look up and say "mama". I love that she knows who I am and it warms my heart! She will reach for me when someone else is holding her and I am near by and when I go to pick her up she'll reach her hands up too! Just this last week she has learned to clap her hands and feet, and she dances to the music. She also LOVES the bath and LOVES to splash using both her hands and legs. She creates waves by clapping her feet together. She can also give kisses when I ask for them! It's usually an open mouth kiss, but I'm pretty used to the wet ones! I just figure with Sara, you will always get a little extra!

She had her first experience on a swing and loved it! Her giggle and smile bring me so much happiness! I'd make a fortune if I could bottle and market it! So you see it is hard to see that Sara has a disability because there is no dis about it! She is accomplishing everything I knew she would and then some! With every child I get excited to witness their "firsts" and Sara is no exception. With her accomplishments I find myself thinking "Yes! I knew you could do it!" or "You know!" or "Yes, you get it!" I am in awe every day of what she can do and I get excited to see her enjoying things that she may have never enjoyed. I wonder and anticipate what she will do next. Oh and I forgot to mention that she just got her first tooth!

There are days when I wish we were back in Ukraine experiencing our journey all over again because it was so neat, but I am grateful that Sara is home where she belongs. She has always felt like she belongs! I am so glad that I listened to my heart and that Mark was willing to take this leap of faith with me and that we were able to rescue our lost princess! Having her in our home for the past 6 months has brought us all so much joy! I wish her bio parents could see what she is becoming! I wish all parents who have a child born with Ds who decide to abandon them could see that they're just like me and you!

I had the opportunity on World Ds Day to give a presentation in my 12 year old son's sixth grade class. I was able to share with them a video called "Just Like You" and discuss that even though children with Ds have special needs, they are no different than you and me. I wrote a small poem and read it to the class.

" I'm just like you. You're just like me.
We have the same hopes and dreams.
Let's accept each other for who we are and
together we can shoot for the stars!"

I also shared a similarity that we are all stars, each one unique and different yet we shine and share the same sky. So my friend Alli is right, Sara and Zach and their chromosomally enhanced friends are stars shining brightly just like you and me! They do twinkle, twinkle! She also told me that having Zach in her life is like having a little piece of heaven every day and I couldn't agree more! I'm so grateful for my heaven here on earth, not only through Sara but through my other children who I adore. Being a mom is the best job in the world and the great thing about my job is that I can't get fired or retire! (Don't get me wrong, it's tough work not getting overtime pay and it's very wearing at times when my employees talk back, but very rewarding and worth every tear, laugh, pinch, and hug!) One of my favorite quotes from one of our beloved prophets, President Kimball reads, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home." I am grateful that my children have a place to call home and I am grateful that I can be their mother! I am definitely a work in progress but am thankful for each opportunity I have to help me and my children shine a little brighter!

This video is a bit lengthy, but it shows what our little blossom has been up to this past 6 months. When we arrived at home 6 months ago with a new baby in tow, we were greeted with a poster in our front yard that read, "Welcome home Sara! Now you are free to bloom!" Our friends had planted bulbs with the help of our kids below the poster. Just today on her 6 month anniversary I noticed that they had started to bloom. It was a nice reminder and a great feeling to know that Sara is blooming right before our eyes.

Sara has experienced many firsts as you will see and many other adventures along the way. First time being home! First Halloween where she was a very fitting flower. Being sealed to our family in the Salt Lake Temple. First family gatherings including Thanksgiving. First birthday (although she was miserable and sick with the croup). First time sleeping at Papa and Grandma's. First Christmas and pajama party with Santa. RSV requiring a week long hospital stay. Crawling, standing, sitting up, tummy time, and sleeping. Laughing and making the silliest faces. Surgery on her eyes and ear tubes. (Recovery was rough and tough but you will see the amazing difference. She can not only see better, but she can look straight!) First Easter. First time on a swing! 6 months full of firsts and 6 months of belonging to a family who loves her to bits!

I started this blog initially when we were led to do foster care for our now adopted son. The title "Led By His Love" describes our adoption adventures. The description of the blog comes from one of my favorite musicals, Wicked. "I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. We are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them and they help us in return." The song For Good continues to say, "I know I'm who I am today because I knew you. Because I knew you I have been changed for good." There are no better words that can sum up how I feel about my children. We were led by His love to find Liam and Sara and I am so glad that we followed His lead because we have been changed for good!

Sara, I don't need to wonder any longer what you are? Because I know just who you are! You are a diamond in the sky, a twinkling star! You are amazing! You are radiant! You shine! You truly are a gift from heaven and you're mine!

* I had the darndest time uploading this video and when my husband finally got it to post, for some reason it added an additional 40 seconds to it. So please fast forward to the 40 second mark and the video will begin.

Mission Possible

Many posts ago I had mentioned that we witnessed many miracles and saw the hand of the Lord on several occasions during our time spent in Ukraine. There were stories to be told that were worthy of their own post but let me share a couple with you in one. It's no surprise that this is a lengthy one, but would you expect anything less? 

There was a time when I knew every face, name, region, etc. on Reece's Rainbow. I was obsessed and wanted to do more than just look at these sweet faces. Through the Lord and His perfect timing we found Sara and I was able to do more than just look. I was able to adopt a child who was left at the hospital after her birth and at the age of 7 days old, was taken to an orphanage. A child who smiles, laughs, coos, cries, poops, pees, eats, drinks, plays, and sleeps like any "normal" child. A child who in fact has a brother who asks, "She has  Down syndrome?" because she acts so "normal". A child who interacts, holds up her arms to be held, crawls to the bottom of my feet and looks up at me just waiting for me to pick her up. A child who responds to her name and smiles when you enter a room. A child who pushes away her pesky older brother when he is bothering her. Or waves bye bye when it's time to say goodnight. A child who can transfer toys from one hand to another or who can hold her own bottle. A child who kicks her feet with excitement at the site of food and can feed herself while sitting in her high chair. A child who can crawl and sit up and who can make it over a step while trying to get out the front door. A child who can pull her self up to stand in her crib and looks so pleased with herself that she has done it! A child who babbles mama and dada. This is a child who's country thinks that children like her should be put away, hidden from the world. Or encourages parents to leave children like her in the hospital because they are better off in an institution. I am happy to say that she is far from being hidden away, she has a great future ahead of her. She is able to shine and show the world who she is meant to be! This is a child who is loved, cherished and chosen! This child is my daughter, Sara! My pot of gold at the end of my Reece's Rainbow! 

Since we have been home and ever since our journey came to an end, I haven't been as obsessed with looking at the Reece's Rainbow website as I had been. I look every now and then, but my focus has changed. (Don't know how having 5 kids could change my focus.) I still have my moments of "Awww! We can help one more." And I even get drawn to particular kids and imagine us doing it one more time. But then the reality kicks in and I realize that 5 really is enough. I have 2 babies only 13 mos. apart, life is busy, and truthfully I do feel content. I just think the pull to want to help rather than just look will always be there. I think that I will always feel that maybe there's one more. I think that I will always look into the eyes of each child and know they are worthy of a family and wish we could be that family. But that is why I will always do my best to help other children find homes.

My first mission starts with finding homes for 4 little boys who also resided at Sara's orphanage. During our first visit to the orphanage, we met with the director. After he had read Sara's file he proceeded to tell us about 3 other boys who were there, who also had "syndrome Down" as he called it. He threw his hands up in the air and said, "3 boys, no body wants them, not even one inquiry." From that moment I was curious who they were and knew I needed to help. I was curious to know which other little faces listed on Reece's Rainbow were there? After that meeting I asked our facilitator to find out which boys he was talking about. I also asked if it would be possible to meet them and take new photos, because I knew that I could help by getting new pics. She said she would find out for me and eventually after me being very persistent, I was able to know who these boys were. We were told that our request to meet them would be impossible unless we were able to see them outside during our visits but for me that just made this mission more challenging, mission impossible. Each day as we strolled around the orphanage grounds, I looked, but we never saw any little boys with Down syndrome. I knew who I was looking for but never caught even a glimpse.

 That changed though the day that we were able to take Sara out to get her passport. We had been gone for a few hours and I knew Sara was getting hungry. Once we got back I asked our facilitator to ask the director if we could feed her since we had never been given the chance before. I was very curious what and how she ate and was also hoping to get a peek at the other rooms we were never able to see. I wanted to see where she played and possibly where she slept. Surprisingly he said yes and led us into room #4. It felt strange to go further than the hallway and we were happy to see where she had spent most of her days. We were pleasantly surprised with the conditions which were clean, clinical, bright and even more surprised that they did allow us to see where she slept and even where they bathed and dressed the babies. (They even allowed me to take pictures.) We weren't allowed to feed her but were allowed to watch the nanny feed her. In the meantime as she was being fed, Mark and I quietly walked around the nursery. We peeked at the other little babies as they laid in the play pens/cribs. Each one looked at us with curiosity. Some smiled, some were sad. Then all of the sudden my eyes met another little boy who I had recognized. I even called him by name. I quickly summoned Mark over and told him to quickly grab the camera and start filming . "This is baby D. This is baby D from Reece's Rainbow." Lucky for this little guy, Mark was able to record a brief video of him and take a few pics. He was adorable and I have to say that his Reece's Rainbow pic did not do him justice. He was much cuter and soooo sweet! I immediately looked at Mark and said, "Are you sure you don't want twins?" I was ecstatic that I finally got to meet one of the boys. I was so excited to get back to the apartment so I could send RR these new pics. Again, I just knew that if I could get new pics, I could help these boys find families. Sometimes that's all it takes is for someone to see updated ones and to know that someone has met this child. I said earlier that baby D was lucky that were able to take new pics and video because after RR did receive them, they knew immediately who to show them too. It was a family who otherwise would have never considered baby D but after they had seen these new pics and videos, they were interested. I told them to give this family my info. and email and I was happy to answer any questions they had for me. That same day I did get an email from them and I quickly responded. Their next response was that they were going to pray about this little boy to know if he was the one. The next morning I awoke to find an email stating that they were indeed going to commit to this little boy. So I am happy to report that baby D has a family coming for him and soon (hopefully this month or April) he will be home. What a lucky little boy! 1 down, 3 more to go!

After the passport application day, we only had a couple more days before we would bust Sara out, leaving no time to see the other boys. On Sunday, the day before her real gotcha day, Mark and I had plans to visit the orphanage in the morning but we slept in so we had to wait until the afternoon to visit. As we were walking up to the orphanage, we walked passed a group of kids who we'd see often during our visits. It was a group of kids who we actually played with on occasion. The kids would grab our hands and we would take them on little walks or push them on their bikes. The little girl of the group would crawl all over Mark and hit him. They were all just thriving for attention but we didn't mind giving it to them. As we walked passed, recognizing their familiar faces and even surprised to see Sara's hospital room mate, the one who was so excited to see us everyday because we would bring him treats and let him watch Mark's phone, the little boy who was so sick, we also noticed a couple of boys sitting in a stroller. It was hard to see their faces but I couldn't help but wonder if it might be them. We had never seen them before with that group so it was a possibility that it was them. As we waited in the foyer for them to bring Sara out, I told Mark that I was going to do some investigation work. I was going to walk over to that group while Mark waited and then he could meet me outside with the stroller. Once I got outside I felt very awkward though and just decided to wait for Mark and Sara. I knew that it would be easier to take a stroll in that direction with the stroller. So once Mark came out, we headed towards the children. Mark sat on an bench with Sara and I crept upon the stroller with the 2 little boys and took a peek! BINGO! It was the other 2 boys who we had longed to see. "O" and "D".

 I was bursting at the seams with excitement. I hurried and grabbed the camera. I went up to the boys who could hardly see me because of their hats blocking their view and tried to communicate with them and their nanny. I was trying to help her make the connection that I was interested in them because they have Ds like our daughter. She didn't seem to mind and it didn't stop me from taking pictures so I snapped away. I told Mark, this may be a visit where I give my undivided attention to them and not Sara but it would be a small sacrifice I was willing to take. Both little boys were crammed in a one seat stroller. It was evident that they were not pleased with the seating arrangement. At times the one in back would hit the other one with a closed first on side of his head. They just wanted out but there was no indication that this was going to happen. They were meant to stay put, watching as the other children frolicked and played. For a moment I put the camera down, at this point I was glowing. OK, I was a sweaty beast. I was so caught up in the moment and had felt like I had just run a 2 minute mile. Anyway I walked over to the stroller and motioned to the nanny that I was going to pick up the one who was sitting in front. As I lifted him from the stroller he had a very fearful look and just started crying. I sat him back down and showed the nanny through charades that I was going to take the boys for a walk. I took them for a walk, taking pictures along the way. They were both very unsure but the constant motion of the stroller kept them calm. After a while I brought them back to the area where Mark and the kids were playing. I parked the stroller next to the bench where Mark was sitting and once again lifted up the boy in front. This time he did not cry and he allowed me to hold him. As I held him in my arms, I could feel him becoming more relaxed. He was very intrigued with my necklace and kept touching my face. I kept kissing his cheeks, even though they were covered in snot. I whispered in his ear that he was beautiful and that I would help him find a family. I know that once he had felt the warmth of a mama, he wanted more. His eyes that were once filled with fear were full of light. His eyes spoke as if to say, "I still have a lot to give and a life to live."

 As I was having this interaction with "D" Mark was interacting with "O". Mark eventually found his tickle spots and he was laughing uncontrollably. It was so neat to witness and hear his belly laughs and I was so excited to see that his light was still shining. He had a very cheeky disposition and his smile just melted my heart. We were able to record him giggling and once again I was very excited to return to our apartment so I could forward these pics and videos to RR. It was very hard to leave these boys but the time came when I had to put "D" back in the stroller. The nanny walked over as I was snapping the last photos and she even took off "O's" hat so I could see him better. Again, she never seemed to mind that we were there taking pics. I actually think she was grateful for the help since she had 10 kids to look after. Once the boys were crammed back into the stroller and all of the children were gathered to go inside, we said goodbye. I was grateful for the chance to meet these boys and the Lord's hand never ceases to amaze me. We had one last chance to see these boys and had we not slept in that morning we would have never seen them. I know that through the simple act of taking pictures I could be an instrument in His hands.

 Earlier in this post I mentioned that there were 4 boys I was committed to help yet the director had only mentioned 3. Well come to find out. "D" was not "D" after all. The little boy who we had met was Vytas. I knew he looked a little different than "D's" photo but I was convinced it was him because I had never heard of Vytas before. So currently I am working on finding out if "D" truly is at that orphanage, because no one has ever seen him. Supposedly he is there and I am hoping to get an update soon. And I am happy to report that "O" has a family. Even before I could get his new pics to RR, he had a family who was interested then later committed to him. He is home now, thriving and doing well. That's 2 down, 2 to go! So for now until I find out about "D", I will be screaming from the rooftops, "Vytas deserves a family!! He needs a mama and papa to love him and cuddle him every day! He has so much light to give and just needs the chance to shine!" I held him, hugged and kissed him, so I felt his radiant spirit!

 As you may know, I was Vytas' angel tree warrior during the holiday season. We had a goal to raise $1000 and with your help we were able to meet this goal. Thank you! Currently he has $3308.87 in his account with Reece's Rainbow. With your help and with the help of others, we can spread the word, share his pic, donate to his fund. He will be turning 5 this year and hopefully he will still be kept at the baby house. I am not sure how much longer he can stay before he is transferred but I pray it doesn't happen before his family finds him. If you feel you have room in your heart to adopt Vytas please take that leap of faith and do it! Or if you feel compelled to share his pic, then do it! He is literally on borrowed time. Let's help him before his clock strikes midnight! In the upcoming months I will be conducting fundraisers, sharing FB and blog posts to raise awareness for Vytas. I know his family is out there! Adoption is not for every one but everyone can help with the adoption process! Vytas should be attending kindergarten this fall and not sitting in a crammed stroller with sores on his hands and a bruised nose, watching as the other children wander and roam. He deserves life and love!!

 I just received an email from Reece's Rainbow this week. Here it is for you to read.

This weekend, we at Reece's Rainbow have made a very painful decision to putting waiting Russian children on hold. The situation in Russia continues to drag out, and it is not looking good for Russia re-opening to foreign adoptions any time in the near future. We just can't continue to accept grant donations and inquiries for these waiting children. The children who have grant funds raised will have their donation links removed, but remain on the site with a note in their profile. We are NOT reallocating existing grant funds at this time. No children are being deleted, only removed from the Waiting Children categories. Existing grant funds are clearly marked on the profiles for children who have grants. PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR THESE CHILDREN AND ALL OF OUR FAMILIES WHO ARE STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS. I can't even put into words how horrible it is to have worked so hard to FIND all of these children, and then to have to pretend they don't even exist. We ask your prayers for strength, courage, and wisdom. Praise Him for the opportunity to save as many as we have. Praise Him for the chance for better care and true social change to finally begin in Russia. Ask Him for courage to bear these coming months, filled with heartache and a sense of loss, but with the hope of CHANGE. Reece's Rainbow will be here when and if these children need us again.
Andrea Roberts

Reece's Rainbow has found families for over 900 children. It really breaks my heart to know that many of the faces I'd gaze at on a daily basis are no longer visible, hundreds more who could have had a family! I feel for the families who found their lost prince and princess but can't rescue them. Praying for a change but until that change comes, I will continue to fight for Vytas, a little boy who is available and waiting. He is in a country who is still allowing adoptions to happen. He is a child who still has a chance. My hope is that every child who is currently listed on the Reece's Rainbow website will be found. Wouldn't it be great to see all of their faces gone because they have a family coming for them?And then in due time, when Russia reopens our focus can be once again on those children. Every child deserves the blessings of a family! Vytas is no different! He is a child who also smiles, laughs, coos, cries, poops, pees, eats, drinks, plays, and sleeps like any "normal" child. So my mission impossible continues because I can do more than just look at their sweet faces!

What a lovely little boy!

Happy One Month Home.....

.....almost 5 months later. Sara will have been home for 5 months on March 10th. On her month anniversary we were able to celebrate in an unforgettable way.

Families Can Be Together Forever is a song that we sing at church and learn from the time we are a Sunbeam in Primary. The lyrics are as follows. "I have a family here on earth, they are so good to me. I want to share my life with them through all eternity. Families can be together forever, through Heavenly Father's plan. I always want to be with my own family, and the Lord has shown me how I can, the Lord has shown me how I can."

On November 10th, 2012 our family had the privilege to go to the Salt Lake Temple to have Sara sealed to our family. The sealing ceremony binds us together as an eternal family. It is a beautiful and sacred ceremony and I am always breathless when the children enter the room all dressed in white. There is always a sense of peace and a tangible love when we are in the temple. To be surrounded by family and friends and to feel of the Savior's love through their spirits is a wonderful feeling. It's an even greater feeling to know that Sara is ours forever.

It was a very cold and snowy day but the snow just added to the purity and beauty of this occasion. It was too cold to take photos outside so we were only able to take a few inside. Sara looked like an angel and just radiated perfection! We had a gathering at the house later that night and we were able to celebrate her new beginning! Double perfection!! Sara is everything and more that we had hoped for in a daughter. We love her to Reece's Rainbow pieces!

3 Generations!

My parents have always been supportive and show great love to our family!
I am who I am today because of these two!

My attempt at a "Bloom" cookie bouquet for the shindig. 

Little Miss Mia and our princess!
"Will you look at this face, it's the face of another blossom blooming."

My aunt and cousins drove from Logan, in the snow to be us and to meet Sara.
Our family support all around is amazing! 

All tuckered out! "This family business is exhausting."

Not only does Sara have a family here on earth, she has a family who she can share her life with through all eternity. Her becoming part of our family was part of Heavenly Father's plan all along! Families can be together forever!

Heaven Sent

Sara has been home from the hospital for 2 weeks now. RSV really kicked her booty and that one week hospital stay really rocked my world. Definitely threw me for a loop! Believe it or not it has taken me 2 weeks to get back into the swing of things and even then, only just. That first week home was a week from Heaven and H double hockey sticks. It was a week when I was doubting myself and wondering why I EVER thought I could handle 5 kids? I retracted my statements "What's one more? After 3 kids, one or two more really isn't that much different." Last week 5 kids was enough! 5 just about did me in!

It couldn't be that I was sleep deprived after sleeping in a hospital chair for a week, man was I pooped! Or that the day we got home from the hospital Beck got a fever followed by the squirts after being home for only 30 minutes. Or that Liam also got a fever the next day followed by the squirts. I forgot and missed Bunko, my saving grace and social outlet. Then Sara got a fever and rash which lasted for 3 days. I sent my kindergartner to school on Thursday only to get a phone call 20 minutes later to say, "Mrs. Lutkin, we have Beck here in our office, there was no school today for the morning kindergartners." I didn't have a working, portable oxygen tank to hook Sara up to to go get Beck and I still had sleeping kids. I didn't have my pre-schooler ready when her ride came on Friday because I didn't think she had school because my others didn't. I ran out of milk and had a hungry baby. My husband left for a business trip on Friday so I was husband less for 4 days. The regulator on Sara's now working portable tank busted off after the tank tipped over. Because of this I couldn't take her or my oldest to a swimming party that I had promised the kids we would go to. I lost my phone at the pool party. I got halfway home when I realized it was missing so I turned back only to find that the pool was closed. I walked into my room to find Liam pulling on the oxygen tubing which was wrapped around Sara's neck. The drama never ceased and these are a few things that made this week H double toothpicks!

Now let me tell you why it was heavenly too. Beck and Liam's fever and sickness only lasted 24 hours, thank goodness. Sara eventually started feeling better again. (We suspect it was another ear infection but we're giving antibiotics a rest.) I had 3 friends and neighbors who brought dinners over three different nights. I was very reluctant to accept the offers but it sure made the load a little, OK,  a lot lighter! I called a friend when I needed someone to pick up Beck and with no questions asked, she went to the school and grabbed him. Then gave me a shoulder to cry on when I was feeling like an awful mother. (You see this isn't the only time when I have forgotten about Beck. Twice on his early day I haven't been home when he has gotten off the bus.) My oldest was home from school so I was able to drive Kate to pre-school and the friend who usually drives is luckily very patient and understanding and was still willing to bring her home for me. Home health care was able to deliver a portable tank. Another friend of mine called the day we were out of milk to ask how we were doing and immediately ran over a gallon of milk. Even though I had no husband for 4 days, my oldest, Cole was home to help. Cole was also willing to stay home with Sara the night of the pool party so the other kids wouldn't miss out, he said he didn't want to swim anyway (which was just a cover up), my sweet boy was just taking one for the team. When I got back in the car after finding the doors were locked at the pool, and thinking my phone was long gone, Kate and Beck excitingly told me that they heard my phone. Lucky for me, it was right under my feet, blending into the black floor mat. Home health care was able to bring a new regulator. Sara was fine after I had unwrapped the tubing from around her neck and it was blessing that I walked in at the right time.

So you see although it was a hard week full of surprises and mishaps, it was a week where I was able to see the hand of the Lord. In the big scheme of things, all of these events were small and we're taught to never sweat the small stuff. But I say, it's OK to sweat the small stuff, because the small stuff adds up,  just make sure you wear deodorant. It was pretty evident that my Heavenly Father was and is aware of my needs. He placed wonderful friends, angels, a responsible son (my lifesaver), a supportive mom (my venting ear), a loving husband in my life. I was showered with blessings amidst the storm. Having 5 kids is a lot of work and some weeks are more stormy that others but after a storm there is usually a rainbow and I wouldn't want it any other way! In fact one of my favorite quotes comes from none other than Dolly Parton, she says, "The way I see it, if you want to see a rainbow you gotta put up with the rain."

And I say, "Rainbows are Heaven sent, so let em' shine!"

*Just a side note, since last Thursday Sara no longer needs oxygen. YAY! I was so happy to see the 50 foot tubing that was draped across the house, gone! Adios, ba bye, see ya, good riddance. Fingers crossed we stay healthy. Both Liam and Sara have upcoming surgeries and need to be healthy. We've already had to cancel the original scheduled time (January 25th) because of them both getting RSV. Which brings up another sore topic that happened this past week. They were both originally scheduled to have eye muscle surgery and ear tubes on the same day, a 2 for 1, but now they are unable to accommodate that so we will be up at Primary Children's two different days! Oh well! Let em' shine!

Our Sickly Sweet Little Muffin

Here are pics of our sickly sweet little muffin. Taken while she was in the hospital with the Rotten Stinky Virus. I had terrible reception up at the hospital, sometimes no reception, so these are the promised pics that should have accommodated the last post. Even though she was so sick, she was still so sweet!

All of these pics were taken while she was in the PICU. The last one is of Sara covering her face in hopes that she couldn't be seen I'm sure of it! "If no one can see me then they can't poke and prod me right?" She was a trooper and we're so grateful to the doctors and nurses and other staff who took such good care of her! Mark made a comment or asked "You like to be in the hospital, don't you?" For some that may seem strange that he would even say that but as much as it may sound crazy, in a sense, I do. Not only for the cafeteria food cuz I'm a sucker for cafeteria food, but hospitals give me a sense of peace, gratitude, and love. Let me explain. First of all, I loved to be in the hospital when my babies were born. I love the smells, especially the blankets, the care of the nurses, the anticipation, the company and visitors, the tender feelings and joy of a new life beginning. I also have a tender feeling in my heart for Primary Children's Hospital in particular because it is where we met Liam for the first time. He was in the NICU and we brought him home from the hospital after only a couple of days of meeting him. So every time I enter that hospital, I am overcome with a feeling of gratitude that we were chosen to rescue this baby boy. It takes me back to that day when I laid eyes upon a teeny tiny baby boy and fell more deeply in love with him. (I say more deeply in love because I already loved him before we even met him. I loved him from the moment we were asked to bring him home, knowing that all he needed was love.) Since that day we have returned to that hospital for many appointments, procedures, and surgeries. As much as I do not like to see my baby go through what he has gone through, I still have tender feelings, different than the ones when we met him and brought him home, but feelings of peace knowing that we have been able to help him along his way. And now with Sara being in the hospital, I find great peace knowing that we are helping her to. I cannot even imagine the kind of care she would have received for RSV in her home country, especially since we saw first hand the care she received for a rash and a runny nose. I am grateful that we have the ability, insurance, and services to take care of her. I am grateful that after being at the hospital, each time my children get to come home. (We witnessed two families who had to say goodbye to their child on the same day and it was heartbreaking.) I am grateful that we have the privilege to love these sweet little children. How sweet it is to be loved and how wonderful it is to love. We are so happy that Sara is home! More importantly that she has a place to call home!